#DASSTRONG

***CORONA VIRUS EDITION****

What is the Corona Virus?
The recent corona virus is a new viral strain of the common cold that originated in an animal in China and defeated all natural predators that we learned about in high school biology. It then jumped species to human and was fatal to several Chinese before launching an attack on Tom Hanks.

What can I do to prevent spread?
Follow the guidelines of the CDC, NIH (National Institute for Health) and the Wu Tang Clan.

Is my life in danger?
Always.

My band is named Covid-19 now what do I do?
Unfortunately there will be stigma with things that have nothing to do with the virus. Like Corona beer for example. One suggestion is to change your band’s genre to something like death metal.

Are the Olympics canceled?
That's a trick question. 2020 is a leap year so the Olympics would not have been held anyway. That's where the term leap year comes from.

Are celebrities and professional athletes more susceptible?
Yes. As of 3/18/2020 the infection rate of the general US population is 1/40000 but celebrities and professional athletes are getting infected at a higher rate. There are many theories of why and this link explains further.

Are the homeless being affected?
While they don’t have access to proper hygiene and other sanitary facilities they are not being infected at the same rate as celebrities. Lack of social media influence has kept them generally safe so far.

Does Tom Hanks have any movies coming up?
Yes. There are several upcoming releases starring the prolific actor. We here at the revolution hope his recent illness does not hurt his box office popularity.

What is racial distancing?
The CDC and WHO have determined that this outbreak originated in China. Therefore it is recommended to maintain 6 foot separation from persons of Chinese origin. This is in effect until Dec 31 2020.

What is fear based mind control?
 Whhooaaa.... you're in the wrong place, you want r/psychology.

Should I get tested for the virus?
No. Currently only essential individuals with doctor request should get tested. Meanwhile the CDC is producing more test kits and ensuring a safe and secure mix of positive and negative kits are distributed.

I’m not sufficiently scared. What should I do?
We understand. No one you know or that they know have been affected. We have provided this link to check if your favorite celebrity has been impacted. This may help reduce your false sense of security.

Am I helping to save lives?
Yes. Yes you are.

Can you explain why I haven't been as hungry since the start of the pandemic?
You can thank The American Rescue Plan (H.R. 1319) introduced 2/24/2021. President Joe Biden explains the effect in this tweet.

Do you have any chilling statistics?
Unfortunately more than 85% of individuals over age 65 will die and shockingly that number increases to over 90% by age 75.

I haven’t had time to respond to all the emails from America’s top CEOs about COVID-19 . Can you help with this?
Yes. As a service to members of the revolution we will be sending replies on your behalf so that they are aware that you are still engaged.

Are there benefits to COVID-19?
Yes. Terrorist activity has been suspended during the pandemic. Self-isolation and social distancing guidelines have caused them to change their slogan from Death to America to I'll touch your face!.

Did COVID-19 kill JFK?
Not yet.

Thank you but where did that $600 come from?
The United States Treasury Department received an email from a Nigerian prince. He needed to move money out of the country to keep it out of the hands of warlords. It was arranged for him to send every American $600 in exchange for a future repayment of $40000. #winwin

How many pieces of silver is $600?
Approximately thirty.

This is my first pandemic what should I wear?
There are many style guides on the internet but a white face covering would suffice (but not after Labor Day!). There is a trend starting (in California of course) of people getting face mask tattoos but maybe start with a patterned mask and take it from there.

How is Covid spread?
Through airborne virus particles (wear a mask!). Touching contaminated surfaces (wash your hands). Contact with infected persons (maintain social distance). Through the media (can’t help you there)

Is COVID Latin for money laundering?
No. The name is derived from the base virus SARS-CoV-2. However according to WHO “….using the name SARS can have unintended consequences in terms of creating unnecessary fear…..” Fear such as people maintaining distance from other people and wearing masks everywhere. So the name was chosen to combine “COVID” and the year it was discovered 2019 (COVID-19)

Will the vaccine be effective against the new virus variant I’ve been hearing about?
Clinical studies have shown good efficacy against Cool Ranch Covid™. This suggests that it will also be effective against other flavors that may arise including extra CRISPY.

What is “The Beast”?
The Beast is slang for the coronavirus popularized by Chris Cuomo of CNN. When he was infected with the virus The Beast would visit him every night giving him night sweats, delirium tremors, hallucinations, and unbearable pain. He recounted his nightly near death experience the next day on Cuomo Prime Time live with special guest host Dr. Sanjay Gupta (check your local listings for air times)

Will there be a season 2 of the corona virus?
Most likely.  Season 1 was a worldwide success with over 2 billion viewers.  We are aware of negotiations between CDC and The Rock for the starring role of the elementary school teacher just trying to save lives by building ventilators in his garage. 
Spoiler alert…. look out for a cameo from Season 1’s star…. Any guesses?  Here’s a hint exclusively for members of The Revolution….”Life is like a box of chocolates”.  Also, Alice Cooper will be playing the anthem “School’s out for the summer winter” and Charmin has exclusive merchandising as the official toilet paper of the apocalypse.

Who won the Revolution covid office pool?
Stacey from accounting correctly predicted Donald Trump contracting coronavirus in the Season 2 opener. A bold move but hey no guts no glory (and no AppleBees gift card)

FAQ

How did I get to this site?
That's not important right now. Your journey is just beginning.

What is Das Niño?
Many before you have asked that same question. This site explores the complexities of Das Niño in a simple and straightforward manner. When you are finished you will know better than most.... What is Das Nino?

Who is Das Niño?
Many before you have asked that same question. This site explores the complexities of Das Niño in a simple and straightforward manner. When you are finished you will know better than most.... Who is Das Niño?

What does Das Nino mean?
Das Niño is Germish (German/Spanish) for Das Niño.

Can I check Kim Kardashian's twitter feed from here?
We thought you'd never ask, see below.

Who is Björk?
Björk Guðmundsdóttir (born 21 November 1965), is an Icelandic singer, songwriter, actress, record producer, and DJ.

Is Das Niño Cordelia?
No, Das Niño is NOT! Cordelia

What is a binary odometer?
An odometer that counts in 2s (0 to 1) instead of 10s (0 to 9)

What are Das Niño's pronouns?
he/him/Bitcoin

What is Das Niño's occupation?
Day Care liquor license auditor. Responsible for the tri-state area (NY/NJ/PA) ensuring day cares with liquor licenses meet local regulations including food service and minimum per capita (tiny) bathrooms.

Is Anderson Cooper keeping them honest?
Yes. Das Niño's cousin’s hairdresser knows a guy on Facebook who interned at CNN spring break 2015. He said that’s all everyone talked about is how Anderson Cooper is keeping them honest.

What is the deadline for sending you suspicious packages?
We will be accepting suspicious packages in our NY office until midnight EST November 1st. If you are sending from out of the country we will accept postmark as official timestamp. Be sure to mark package "chilling" for proper handling!

What should I do if I see something?
Say something.

What is fake news?
"caught on camera"

Where's the outrage?
Sorry we can't answer rhetorical questions.

Is this the Dark Web my parents warned me about?
No.

Who invented the baby picture?
In 1905 Augustus C.R. Baby of Topeka, Kansas accidentally photographed his infant daughter. Surprisingly, the idea became so popular that it started a trend bearing his name that continues to this day.

Will Das Niño's TED talk be made available publicly?
Yes, Das Niño's 2018 TED talk "Spreadsheets throughout the ages: What did the Mayans know about cell B3?" will be posted to YouTube shortly.

I am interested in joining the revolution, can you tell me more?
Yes, you will be joining a group of like-minded individuals (“DASes”) that strive to find and end oppression and injustice worldwide. Also, we have matching 401(k) contributions and 3 weeks vacation upon joining!!